When I was young, I had a favorite movie. "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure". Oh, Come ON. You've NEVER seen it? Or were you like me and watched it hundreds and hundreds of times, so much that you could recite every line? My sister and I would watch it together and in our best Pee Wee voice say, "I know you are but what am I?" One of my favorite characters by far was LARGE MARGE. Do you remember her? I can still picture her in the semi-truck, gray hair pulled back, scowl on her face as she said, "It was a night just like tonight..." Wendy and I would sit on the edge of our sofa, bowl of popcorn half eaten, anticipating what was about to transpire..."and as they pulled the body from the burning wreckage, it looked like this!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We'd fight for the remote control so we could rewind it and we'd watch it all over again. and again. and again. After it had been out on video for a while, we had gotten a new remote control that had the setting of my dreams: SLOW MOTION. As soon as I discovered that, I knew EXACTLY which movie to test it out on. So then we'd watch Large Marge in slo-mo and would laugh so hard our stomach would be sore the next morning.
Oh that life had a "rewind" button. And even better, a "Slow Motion" option. I've had some not so good moments this past week where I just want to press REWIND so I can "fix" it. One moment in particular happened just a few days ago. The night before had been spent in tearful prayer...a special time of me talking to God...asking Him to help me seize every opportunity to share Him with people. Not in an obnoxious "in your face" kind of way, but just in my daily interactions, making people feel loved, showing I care. That night I went to bed around 1am and at 5am my daughter wakes up, bright eyed and bushy tailed. By 10am both she and Sam Watson were ready for naps and quite frankly, so was their momma! They rarely nap at the same time so this was an opportunity I was ready to seize. Sam went down first and then it was Charlee's turn. I snuggled next to her and scratched her back as I read her 2 favorite books. By the end of the 1st book, she was already breathing deeply and I was just begining to sneak out of her room when all of a sudden, Harry, our Golden Retriever, started barking his head off. Charlee shot up out of bed, totally freaked out, Sam started stirring, and I was quite annoyed. I ran out to find 2 women at my front door...Jehovah's Witness. I quieted Harry down, opened the door, and before either of them could get 1 word in said, "This is a terrible time! I'm trying to get my kids down for nap...you'll have to come back another time." I barely gave them a chance to respond before I rather rudely shut the door in their faces and quickly went back into Charlee's room since she was crying. After getting her calmed down, I walked out of her room and froze in my tracks. I was staring at the front door and it hit me. Like a full fist right to the heart. The most horrible, heavy weight on my shoulders. CONVICTION. All I could see were the eyes of Jesus and HE LOOKED SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME. I fell into a chair and SOBBED. I emailed a friend and asked her to pray that God would send those women back. I begged God for a 2nd chance. I pleaded for His forgiveness. And then for the next 2 hours was online researching Jehovah's Witness and what they believe. Even later that night, when Jim got home, as I was telling him about it I was still crying. He tried making me feel better at first, telling me that anyone would have been annoyed, etc...but when I told him how I felt so CONVICTED...that I knew I had completely FAILED...he just held me and told me that if God so chose, those women could show up tomorrow. Well, if they do, I'll have a pot of coffee on for them! They'll freak out because I'll probably do cartwheels all the way to their car 'cuz I'll be so excited to see them. SIGH. Can I press REWIND? It hasn't taken long for me to discover how STUPID I am. From family tiffs to forgetfulness...LORD! Why in the world do you love me?
On the flip side of things...BOY do I wish for SLO-MO. Sam Watson turning one just about did my heart in. Hugging my mom in the rain when I first saw her on Saturday...I feel we LIVED something that only our hearts can truly "get". I would look at her from across the room and knew exactly what she was thinking. SIGH.
Thank GOD His mercies are new every morning. Cuz tomorrow, when I get up, I can do so knowing it will be another GREAT day. After all, I have a dentist appt tomorrow! I can't wait!!! I am one of those freaks out there who absolutely LOVES a teeth cleaning. And who knows? Maybe the JW gals will stop by in the afternoon and we can have a nice chat! And I can apologize to them for my rudeness. But if not...at least my teeth will be clean!
Misty, I totally understand...especially b/c Jason was raised Jehovah's Witness. In a way, that motherhood moment they interrupted may have led them to think perhaps this isn't the best way to spread the Word. Never know how or why He makes His moves ;-)
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