A SILENT NIGHT? you've GOT to be kiddin' me!

The other day, the kids and I were in the car.  We had on the Christmas music.  Charlee had her favorite horsey in her lap and she bounced him around so he was "dancing" to the music.  Sam Watson has started this "trend" where he "sings" to the music by literally SCREAMING at the top of his lungs.  Charlee droppped her horsey and was begging me to get it. As I steered with 1 hand and grasped around the back floor with the other, I concentrated on not swerving right off the road.  It had been one of those, "GET OUT THE DOOR RIGHT THIS SECOND!" kind of mornings.  And there I was, music blaring, Sam screaming, Charlee whining, horsey missing, car swerving, head pounding, and the song playing at that very moment was "Silent Night".  I chuckled out loud thinking, "You've GOT to be kidding me."  You see, being a mom just makes you see things through mommy-colored glasses. 

I mean, really...how in the ever-livin' world could it have been a Silent Night?  Let's recap.  First off...the young woman who was due any second had to travel miles and miles ON A DONKEY!  Ok, some theologians believe she actually traveled in a cart pulled by a DONKEY!  So let me get this straight...you think that's any BETTER???  Please at least tell me the roads were freshly graded.  Something tells me otherwise.  Let's really stop and think about this ladies.  Do you remember your 3rd trimester?  When your sciatica nerve pain is unbearable and your back/hips feel like a 90 year olds???  I sure wish the Bible gave us more details on what her personality was like.  Do you think she was one of "those women" who loved pregnancy and never got sick and say they've never felt better?  Or do you think, just possibly, she was just like me...she ached, she got irritable, she had cankles and she just wanted relief.  I bet by the time Joseph finally found that barn she could have cared less.  She was more than likely in full blown labor and was like, 'just get me off this ass, already!!!!' While many of us would have been whiny and "woe is me-ish", my gut tells me that Mary, although very young, had a quiet strength.  I think she really GOT what her PURPOSE was.  But still...a SILENT NIGHT?  She had no epidural.  As far as we know, it was just her and Joseph...and a few stinky animals.  I'm thinking about this in my car, chuckling at the words to the song like it couldn't be further from the truth.

Fast forward to tonight.  Christmas Eve.  I am getting both of my kids ready for bed.  Sam goes to bed first and I grab his favorite blankets and cradle all 22 months of him in my arms.  We sit in a rocking chair in the corner of his room.  The door was open and I could hear his older sister in a blur of activity while her Daddy washed the dishes.  Our dog, Harry, came into the room and circled a few times before plopping down at my feet.  The washing machine was on spin cycle and the dryer was on.  But as I held my little man, his blond hair spiked and his thumb in his mouth, it felt like in all the world, it was only him and I. He looked at me with sleepy blue eyes and the corners of his mouth went up in a sweet smile.  In the midst of all the noises, I sat in marvel and awe, just as I'm sure Mary did once she finally held that little baby in her arms. 

I am far from a theologian but I am a mommy. I cannot tell you all the facts and theories that surround the details of that night but I think I can relate, as a woman and mother, to how Mary must have felt that night as she cradled Jesus close to her for the first time. Her arms were full as she held the One Who adopts us into His family.  What a beautiful picture.

 I leaned down close to Sam and rubbed my nose with his and had the urge to sing...of all songs...Silent Night.  Merry Christmas.

My THOUGHTS and TIPS on REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK

People have been asking me, “Are you SO excited that Greg and Wendy are coming home?” The short answer is yes. The REAL answer is yes and no. Why a “no”? After all, she is my best friend in the entire world. We've experienced LIFE together...from divorced parents & bad breakups to handing over wedding rings & coaching each other through childbirth.  So what gives?

Had I not gone to Ghana myself, not seen their work, not met the people, not served along side her, I wouldn't feel the same hesitation as I do today. But right now, my heart is heavy. There is no other word to describe but HEAVY. This is her last week in Nalerigu...and this morning I just cried and cried for her. Dear friends, my sister (and Greg) is GRIEVING. DEEPLY. The Nyhus kids are GRIEVING. DEEPLY. Nalerigu is GRIEVING. DEEPLY. The entire village called them 'Papa Greg' and 'Momma Wendy'. They were everyone's “parents”, regardless of religion, color, background, or economic status. They COMPLETELY POURED OUT not just their financial resources, but THEIR HEARTS. Oh, that ALL OF US would follow their lead!!! RECKLESS FAITH. RECKLESS LOVE. RECKLESS KINDNESS. Love without limits...

In going back to my OWN words upon my return from Africa, I remember I once posted, “If home is where the heart is, then I have a LOT of homes.” I felt homesick in my own home. I was so torn. And I was only there for 10 days. I didn't invest 19 months of my sweat and tears. I didn't have to give up a whole lot. They have given up EVERYTHING.

That being said, I have prayed about this and feel like it would be a good thing to have anyone who knows the Nyhus' to please read this regarding REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK.

Experiencing reverse culture shock is extremely common and may include any to all of the following emotions:

• Restlessness, rootlessness
• Reverse homesickness-missing people and places from abroad
• Boredom, insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration
• Need for excessive sleep
• Change in goals or priorities
• Feelings of alienation or withdrawal
• Negativity towards American behavior
• Depression
• Feelings of resistance toward family and friends
  
• Judgmental attitude towards American culture
  

How YOU Can Help 1. In preparing for a missionary to come home, prayerfully seek to know how you can help them make a successful transition to post-mission life. Maybe it's financially supporting them a couple of months as they adjust, maybe it's calling and picking up dinner for them 1 night, maybe it's buying a gas card...think outside the box. I know the Nyhus kids will be in dire need of clothes. Carter is size 10, Aiden size 8, and Sukanya is a 4. (they will need everything, especially anything WINTER.) Contact Debi or Misty for more ideas or more details. 2. Maintain an active and genuine interest in their mission well into the first year after they have returned. 3. Be patient. Reverse Culture Shock (RCS) can last up to 18 months, but it IS temporary. For some it can last years. 4. Stock up their pantry and freezers so they won't have to go grocery shopping very often at first. Even a trip to the grocery store can be extremely overwhelming. 5. Learn all you can about the kind of mission they served. Be specific in your questions like, “What was the hardest thing to overcome while there?” or “How did you get around?” or “What kind of foods did you get to eat?” THEY WILL WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THESE DETAILS!

6. Be aware that many experience short-term depression. Many missionaries come home feeling that no one cared about what they've been doing, so one of the best ways to help them through this transition is to CARE. 7. Remember that not all missionaries struggle with the adjustment process. Some have the ability to make a quick adjustment and will not need more than the love of their families and association with good friends to make an excellent transition into post-mission life.
8. Ask specific questions. Ask specifically about Gambaga, Clement/Nuru, the hospital, homeschooling, where they went to church, what they loved, what they hated, etc.
   
9. VALIDATE their range of emotions, from extreme sadness to confusion, to home-sickness, to depression, to complete happiness to see their friends and family. One second they may seem totally fine and the next they may seem very withdrawn. Love them through this adjustment phase.
   
10. I read that few people have a sincere interest in missionaries lives. LET'S CHANGE THE NORM!!!!
    
11. Ask about sending Christmas gifts over to the other missionaries who are still there serving or to specific people/families/kids.
    
12. Be patient w/ their tears. I cried every time someone asked me about my trip. I imagine they may be the same for a while. One of my most favorite respones was when a friend took me in her arms and said, “You don't need to say a word...I feel your heart.”
    

THINGS NOT TO SAY/DO:

1. “I bet you're soooooo glad to be home!” (better option: I bet it is so good to see your loved ones.”)
   
2. “FINALLY, you're HOME!” (better option: You were greatly missed)
   
3. DO NOT Rush conversations. This is going to have to be a very PURPOSEFUL decision. We American's are always BUSY. We RUSH. When you see Greg or Wendy, STOP and TAKE THE TIME TO TALK. If you absolutely have to move on, make a point to say something like, “I'm so disappointed that I have to go, but the next time I see you I'd really like to hear about your mission work.” Then by golly, follow through.
   
4. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING. Not the weather, not the Chiefs, not your job, not your health, etc. I'm not asking you to be “fake”...I'm just asking you to be SENSITIVE that they saw the WORST SITUATIONS IMAGINABLE and hearing us complain about how much we hate grocery shopping will be very FRUSTRATING to them.
   
5. Don't have FALSE EXPECTATIONS. We will need to “ease them in”...so please be respectful when they, or their family, says “no”. They will more than likely need lots of time to adjust. They will need a little space. Remember, for 19 months they've had people knocking on their door from sun up to sun down. Feel free to call or mail letters, letting them know they are in your prayers and feel free to say something like, “When you get settled, we'd love to spend time with you, but you let us know when you're ready.”
   
6. Instead of taking them out to dinner, ask how you can send money over to Ghana to help continue a mission they started. This would mean the world to them.
   
7. Don't ask dumb questions, like “Did you have a toilet in your house?” or “did you live in a grass hut?” By the way, yes they had a toilet and no, they did not live in a hut. :)
   
8. “I'm so glad you're home from that horrible, disease infested place!” (seriously, do you WANT a black eye?)
   
9. “It's so much better for the kids that you're here.” (Better option: How are the kids adjusting and is there anything I can do to make it easier for them?)
   

The surprise visit

OH ME OH MY! I've always said to working mothers...I don't know how in the world you can juggle it all. I can barely keep my head above water and I only work 8 hours a week. How can you keep your house clean, laundry caught up, floors mopped and dinners cooked? Is it just me or does there never seem to be enough hours in the day?!?

Today for example...I seriously wanted to die when I saw my Pastor and his perfectly adorable wife pull up in my driveway. A quick scan of my home didn't help the feeling of panic well up in me. I could barely see my living room floor. It was covered w/ hot wheels, legos, My Little Ponies, balls and a few random stuffed animals. On my kitchen table, there were grocery ads I still hadn't been able to sit down and go through, baby wipes, a loaf of bread, mail and a cookbook. On our overstuffed chair there was the load of laundry I was waiting to fold until nap time, complete w/ boxers and panties and lots of socks.

I hadn't yet showered for the day. (Sometimes I don't find the time to do it until right before bed.) I saw a stain on the tank top I had on and my hair was still bed-head.

When I opened the front door to welcome them, I saw the broom laying across the porch that Sam Watson had been “helping” me sweep with earlier that day. Charlee had been playing in one of my flower pots so dirt was strewn all the way across one of the steps. We had played in their plastic swimming pool which was still sitting out, full of water. Everywhere I looked there was a complete mess.

Before they came up to the door I was thinking, “Should I invite them in to see this horrible mess? I'm just so mortified!” But you know what? As quickly as that thought entered my head, it just as quickly went away. Why should I apologize for being the best mom that I can possibly be? My house is not perfectly clean, it's perfectly lived in. Yes, my shirt has jelly stains...because just a few mintues ago I was snuggling with the most adorable blue-eyed boy in the world who had sticky fingers. Nope, no apologizing, no fretting...today has been the most wonderful day because I did what I love doing more than anything else...PLAY WITH, LAUGH WITH, AND LOVE ON my 2 kids. I'm not a “sit on the sidelines” kind of a mom. Today I've gone down a slide, gotten my clothes all wet, built a skyscraper w/ legos, dressed up Charlee's dolls and piled up pillows so my kids could be superhero's off the couch. Now, don't get me wrong, there are days where momma must absolutely try and GET STUFF DONE, for crying out loud. But today was not one of those days...and it has been a very good day, indeed.

So...Pastor and adorable wife, come on into my home...because w/ every lego you see you'll see 20 times more hugs! With every stain on my shirt you'll see my boy give the best slobbery kisses and hugs. With the dark circles under my eyes, you'll also see the laugh lines from experiencing the best 3 years of my life.

My kids won't grow up and cherish the times they saw me vacuuming. They'll cherish the times we went on long walks, played in the garden soil, and had picnics in the treehouse. And they'll remember ME right in the middle of it all, their momma...eating PB and honey sandwiches while wearing a cape and sharing grapes w/ Teddy the Bear.

Now...let me take off this cape, come back to earth and pick up some toys while the kids are napping! And maybe while I'm at it, I can throw on some mascara and a clean shirt so my man can see what a hot momma he's got here anxiously awaiting his return home! :)

MAJOR ATTITUDE

When I got back from Africa, I felt like the world was at my fingertips.  I had on all my "spiritual padding" and was ready to take it on, headfirst, shoulders down, like a bull in a Spain arena, I was ready to charge and change my world full speed ahead.

Here I am, months later, and I find myself wondering...what am I doing? Reality sets in very quickly after a trip around the world.  Jim went back to work which left me fully responsible for the 2 little people whom I love and adore more than life itself.

Some days I find that I second-guess myself and doubt that I'm making a difference.   My days consist of tending to 2 little humans all day long, with little time to even brush my teeth.  Just this morning I was wrestling with the idea that I'm not doing enough, I'm not making a real DIFFERENCE.  It was really bothering me.  I know, I know...OF COURSE I'm changing the world "one little heartbeat at a time"...Being a mother is the MOST IMPORTANT job in the world.  I get that.  But the enemy sneaks into my head and tells me lies and every now and then I start believing them.  When I was a teacher I saw HUNDREDS of students every week and left work every single day feeling validated.  You don't get that as a mother.  You get smudged windows, smashed fingers, time-outs, hide-n-seek, and PB&J sandwiches.  I still haven't showered or made my bed and I really need to shave my legs!  C'mon, every mother out there knows what I'm sayin', right???  In a nutshell, this morning I NEEDED AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT.

Time-out...but I was thinking, "I know kid, that's what I feel like doing right now, too!"

I couldn't shake the feeling of inadequacy...and I knew I needed an intervention.  I needed to shift my thinking from "woe is me" to "WOW! You're GOD!" The kids and I went for a walk as soon as we could get out the door and I took my camera w/ us.  As soon as my feet hit the dirt my spirits were already beginning to lift.  The thick humid air hugged me in all its warmth and the sun kissed my bare shoulders.  The honeysuckle is in full bloom and I could smell it all the way down our gravel road. 

honeysuckle

 It's amazing when you start looking at the world through the lens of a camera.  You notice the LITTLE things that normally you'd miss.  Kinda like when you start looking at life through the lens of God.  He's in the details.

Upon our return from our jog/walk I set up the sprinkler and the kids played.  Their giggles rose right up to the ears of Jesus and I know He was smiling down on them just as I did from the porch. 

Fingerpainting in the nude. :)  What can I say? We go all out here in the country!

We went on another nature stroll and discovered deer tracks, ticks, and Daddy's tractor.  And slowly but surely I had my attitude adjusted. 

I remembered THAT ITS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.  When the kids went down for a nap I just let my spirit rest QUIETLY, INTROSPECTIVELY, REVERENTLY. 

Simplicity.  ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Our house

My hammock

Our driveway

I continued my dialogue w/ Him...just telling Him how much I love Him, how thankful I am for so many things, prayed over my sister in Ghana and all of the needs that are presented in front of them every day.  But mostly, I just praised Him for Who HE IS and his creativity. 

Wasp larvae

Honeysuckle

So a day that started off grumpy is ending in one of the best days I've ever had as a momma.  When I came back into a quiet house, I smiled as I saw the little "left behinds" that both Charlee and Sam had waiting for me around the house.  Oh how I love them.

Charlee had lined up all her horses and they were looking at me when I walked in the front door.

My kids love trains!

It wasn't but just  few minutes later that Sam Watson was squealing for his Momma to come and get him.  My heart melted as we played peek-a-boo over his crib rails.

Peek-a-boo Momma!

They are my greatest calling, greatest challenge, greatest love, greatest miracle, greatest mission.  They are my greatest. PERIOD.

My "Lil' Blue"

Harry knows EXACTLY where to park himself at lunch time.

Hi Momma!

What's not to love about this?

KEEP MAKING A DIFFERENCE MOMMA'S!!!!

Are you a SHEEP or a GOAT? Read to find out which one you are!

You are in your warm, cozy car on a rainy, chilly spring day.  As you approach a stoplight in downtown Kansas City you see him.  Nameless. He is "working" the corner of 47th and Main and is wearing old, dirty clothes.  Hopeless. He is holding up a cardboard sign that reads, "Need money for bus fare." Homeless.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Would you silently wish the light turns green so you can avoid him at all costs? After all, he's probably an addict of some kind, right?  Surely he has brought this on himself.  Ever had these thoughts cross your mind?  I sure have.  I remember even as a young girl being told by adults in my life to never give money to a homeless person because more often than not they'll go buy beer or drugs w/ it.  So I grew up, lived on the Plaza for several years as a young adult and many times I ignored the person standing next to my window or outside of Barnes and Nobles.  I wouldn't look them in the eyes but would stare straight ahead, anxious to see that light turn so I could just get the heck outta dodge. 

BUT NOT ANYMORE.

Let's think about what Christ would do in this situation.  Let's just pretend He was sitting in the passenger seat.  He doesn't say a word, but rather, gives you the opportunity to make your choice.  Would you squirm uncomfortably?  Would you defend your lack of action?  Would you not feel guilty at all because you are confident in your opinion? Or would you feel so under conviction that you can hardly roll down your window fast enough?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?  I mean...REALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Wanna know what I did this week?  I praised God that I had some cash in my purse, as I rarely carry any on me.  I praised God that I was able to have this encounter w/ a fellow human being and have the opportunity to share with him. I refused to IGNORE.



I only had $5, but I rolled my window down and waved at him.  He came to me and barely got there in time before the light turned green...there were several cars ahead of me and behind me.  He looked me in the eyes, was gracious, thankful, and polite.  I started pulling forward and was so excited when the light turned red again and I was once again "stuck" at 47th and Main.  I rolled my window down and Nameless approached my car once again.  I was able to look him in the eyes and tell him that he was valued and cherished by a loving Savior who is the living water and the Bread of Life. If he goes and buys something OTHER THAN a bus ticket?...well, that's between him and God.  I can only be responsible for ME.

I drove away and prayed for him and the homeless all around the world, that they would hear this message...(and I wept as my Ghanaian friend Abraham came to mind).  I am not blogging this to receive any praise, for I am ashamed to say that many times this was NOT my story..but its never too late to change.

 

So back to my title...are you a sheep or a goat?  Confused yet?  Read this passage straight from Matthew 25 to find out your answer.


 ^31-33"When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.  ^34-36"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

   I was hungry and you fed me,
   I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
   I was homeless and you gave me a room,
   I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
   I was sick and you stopped to visit,
   I was in prison and you came to me.'
 ^37-40"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'
 ^41-43"Then he will turn to the 'goats,' the ones on his left, and say, 'Get out, worthless goats! You're good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

   I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
   I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
   I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
   I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
   Sick and in prison, and you never visited.'
 ⁴⁴"Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?'
 ⁴⁵"He will answer them, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.'

So what are YOU going to be the next time you are faced in the same situation?  A sheep or a goat?  What do you want your children to see you do?  As for my kids...I want them to see a woman who has RECKLESS COMPASSION, than maybe they, too, will grow up knowing the Nameless, sharing Hope to the Hopeless, and yes, even buy some bus fare for the Homeless.

AND TO ALL THE SKEPTICS OUT THERE I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU:

"Baaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaa".  (Ok, so I just realized sheep and goats kinda sound the same so just to clear up any confusion that was my SHEEP sound, K?)

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Blanket Tents Make my Cup Runneth Over

There is something magical about blanket-made tents when you are a kid.  I had forgotten how fun it was until I became a momma.  What can be more fun than taking every pillow in the house and piling them up? Finding the largest blanket? Digging around Daddy's stuff for the flashlight? Inviting your favorite stuffed animals to join in the fun? And last but not least, screeching, "NO BOYS ALLOWED IN HERE!" in between giggles? I've done a lot of cool stuff in my lifetime, but sitting under that blanket, flashlight in tow, and a bright-eyed girl who makes my world go round I thought to myself, "There is no other place I'd rather be than right here, right now." Yep, there's no doubt about it, my cup runneth over.

Banana's, Bugs, Bad Food and BFF's

Ok, so MAYBE I might have over-reacted just a TAD...but I'd rather err on the safe side, right? How am I supposed to know what an allergic reaction looks like? I've really got to calm down when it comes to bug bites. I promise I don't have a phobia. I'm not afraid of bugs or them biting or stinging or even crawling on me. I'm a girl who loves nature and all it has to offer. We live in the country so critters are constantly making an appearance and not only am I not afraid of them, I welcome it! So you'd think by now I wouldn't respond so impulsively to bug bites. Let me back up.

Last summer, when Sam was just a few months old, I went to change his diaper and low and behold I saw, what to me, looked like the most horrifying sight. A certain part of his anatomy (let's just call it his doo-dah-day for the sake of not offending anyone out there) was extremely red and swollen and I thought he MUST have some horrible disease!!! So I rushed him to Children's Mercy Urgent Care. I remember the doctor coming in, taking a peek, looking at me very seriously and saying that Sam DID have a “condition”...(you've no idea the thoughts running through my mind)...and his “condition” had a name...(I was sitting at the edge of my chair waiting to hear the verdict...the pause was very dramatic and I remember saying, “Just spit it out! What is wrong w/ my son???”) ...and the doctor, straight faced and serious toned says, “Samuel has 'Summer Penile Syndrome'”. I gasped. “OH NO...WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???” Then w/ a smirk he told me...”It's a chigger bite.” I think I laughed the entire drive home. That was an expensive $50 diagnosis. All for a chigger bite. For the record, that IS a real name for it.

Fast forward to today. Charlee and I decided to take a quick trip to the store. We needed banana's. I swear my kids are part monkey because we eat about 10 every 4 days. Anyway, on the way there I looked at her in my rear view mirror and notice and funny looking bump on her cheek. By the time we got to the store, it wasn't just a bump...it was a VERY LARGE bump that seemed to be growing before my very eyes. And then another one appeared on the other cheek...and then her ear started to swell. I kept asking her if something stung or bit her, but she just shook her head 'no'. By the time we were in the check-out line, I was getting nervous. Her face was swelling FAST...and it wasn't pretty, peeps. I couldn't imagine something stinging her and her not crying, but what else would make her swell like this? Thus began my drama. By the time I pulled into the Walgreens (urgent care) parking lot, I was convinced it had to be a brown recluse spider bite. Her face was red, swollen, and she was saying “Ouchy”.

30 Minutes later we were in to see the nurse practitioner and she was looking better. As quickly as it appeared it was now fading away. Strangest thing. It wasn't a sting and it wasn't a brown recluse spider bite...so who knows? But I hope I can chill out whenever I see bug bites on my kids. Sheesh.

To celebrate the fact that she still has a face w/out flesh eating spider bites, we hit the McDonald's down the street. What is it about McD's fries w/ ice-cream? I know I've been eating “clean” now for months and I always say I don't miss the “bad” food...but wow, that tasted soooooooooooooooo awesome. And you know what else? We had a pretty fun time, just us gals. I love that kid.

Of course, since we were in the neighborhood we popped by Nana's house and then her BFF's house, too. I got to hear her squeal w/ delight as she ran around w/ flushed cheeks. What a great night...all because we needed some banana's.

I've Lost a 5th Grader from my Hips...my weight loss (and gain) journey

I always feel funny talking about my weight loss journey.  I think my greatest fear is that my talking about it will come across as PRIDE.  So up to this point, I've said very little.  Plus, it's personal, you know?  It's embarrassing to admit the amount of weight I gained through 2 full term pregnancies and 1 miscarriage.  And what average woman out there wants to draw attention to her body?  Lord know's that's not my desire.  But at the same time, haven't I said all along that I love when people are REAL?  When they can share from their hearts and give all the glory to God?  So here I am...openly talking about my weight...the good, the bad, the really bad, and God's unconditional love for me (inside and out) through it all.

I guess before I start w/ the weight LOSS I must first start at the weight GAIN.

I've always lived an active lifestyle and for most of my life have had a healthy relationship w/ food.  And then I got pregnant.  In Dec 2006, after years of begging God to bless me with a baby, I finally got pregnant.  And in New Zealand of all places!  While I was there I had this gut feeling that I was pregnant and even bought a cute little baby shirt that said, "Made in New Zealand".  That's how very sure I was.  (Little did I know, I was literally just days pregnant)  Jan 31st, 2007 I miscarried.  Talk about a dark, bleak day in my life.  (that whole "journey" will have to be saved for another day, I'm afraid.)  My O/B felt it best to put me on synthetic progesterone, so that if I were to get pregnant again, the baby would have the "best start possible".  I was too much of an emotional wreck to question him.   When I say I gained 10 lbs in 10 days I'm not even kidding you.  The weight just packed on...just as it had when I used to be on birth control.  With both of my pregnancies, I had to continue to be on progesterone well into my 2nd trimester b/c my levels were always low.  Combine synthetic hormones w/ a prego and in a nutshell, I got HUGE.

After having Sam Watson, I was introduced to 3 things that changed my life.

1. P90X
2. Idiot's Guide to Eating Clean (book)
3. Body by God: Bouncing Back After Pregnancy (book)

It's so true when watching "The Biggest Loser" and they say, "It's a lifestyle change."  Boy, are they not kiddin'.  Between my working out and eating clean along w/ focusing on my spiritual heart as much as my physical heart, the pounds just started dropping off.  I asked God to give me Scriptures that I could memorize to help me stay on course.  In retrospect, I see much of my inward/outward transformation as a way of God preparing me to go to Africa.  I honestly don't know how I would have done it had the weight still been on.  And if you have read any of my blogs re: God's work in my life while in Ghana, then you must know how even months before I stepped foot in Africa God was "tilling" my heart, preparing the "soil" for what was yet to come.  I see it so very clearly now.  I'm now 33 years old.  I remember on my birthday reflecting on the fact that I was the age of Christ when He died on the cross.  It's sad to say it, but it's taken me 33 years to really figure out what it means to crucify SELF and really live out loud for Christ in a real, practical, everyday way.  I told God I wanted "33" to be the best year yet!  And my friends, He hasn't disappointed and I still have most of the year to go!!!

I've had a LOT of people ask me questions and wanna know my "secret"...and it dawned on me that I've been holding back on the what the REAL secret of my weight loss has been all along...and that's been to simply want to KNOW GOD MORE.

I think it can best be adequately stated in one of my favorite songs:


I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward Pushing every hindrance aside,
out of my way 'Cause I want to know You more.

I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpxQaItQTNE&feature=related

I want ALL OF ME to glorify God.  And I knew deep in my heart, how can I, Misty Terrell, do that when I am 80 lbs overweight?  My weight issue was a HINDRANCE in my life.  At the same time and on the other end of the spectrum, I had to quit the self-loathing.  Let's face it women, haven't most of us struggled w/ weight at some point in our lives?  Or body image?  We look in the mirror and all we can think is, "If only..."  and we can get very "OCD" w/ our looks.  Well, let me tell you.  I've now lost my 80 lbs and all I have now is a NEW list of "if only's".  It's time for us to quit looking at ourselves through distorted mirrors and magnifying glasses, and instead view ourselves through the Biblical lens...we were hand-crafted by the God of all creation.  He used just the right paintbrushes, used perfect strokes, the best lighting, and in the end looked at each of us and said, "Yet another MASTERPIECE." And He tells us that while men look on the outward, what is HE looking at?  Our hearts.  BUT...that being said...we are required to be good stewards of what He has given us...including our bodies.  Thinking about what I put in my body and prioritizing exercise is exhibiting SELF-CONTROL...a fruit of the spirit. 

Yes, this past year has been just as much of a spiritual transformation for me as the physical one.  Weight loss IS a spiritual journey.  It's about changing the INSIDE first...and once that lines up w/ God's Word, then I strongly believe the outside will follow suit.  In the beginning stages after Sam Watson was born, it was H.A.R.D.  So many times I wanted to GIVE UP...or just plain  QUIT.  I meditated on Scripture to help keep me on track...even put my verses on 3x5 cards in my kitchen...and prayed constantly.  And frankly, I just dug my heels in and have been bound and determined to press on.  It has required the MOST STUBBORN FORM OF DISCIPLINE. By the way, did you know that Jesus also had a very STUBBORN FORM OF DISCIPLINE??  At any point during his torture on that cross, He could have given up, too.  He could have quit.  But he didnt'.  Because He loves Misty way too much.  He "dug His heels in" and was DETERMINED TO DIE ON THAT CROSS.  Well, Jesus, I'm diggin' my heels in, too.  You were determined to DIE for ME so I'll be determined to LIVE for YOU the best, most healthy way that I can.

On the humorous side of things...Just like gaining weight is depressing, losing weight has it's downsides, too.  Nothing in my closet fits me.  Even my pre-prego pants don't fit b/c my body shape has changed after 2 babies.  A couple of weeks ago Sam Watson pulled on my pants and the waist was literally down to my knees.  Oh, did I mention I was in the parking lot at the KC Zoo?

And then there are the concerned who are "worried" about me.  God forbid someone could actually lose weight in a healthy manner.  SURELY I'm starving myself and only eating kleenex.  

There is always this awkward moment I have when someone yells at me in a room full of people, "OH MY GOSH...YOU'VE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!"  What do I say?  "Thank you"???  or "I know! I was so fat last year!"???  Many of my friends and family tease me when I pass up dessert...but I KNOW what it feels like to weigh 80 lbs heavier than I am right now...AND I NEVER EVER WANT TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.   Oh, and I love the people who make comments such as, "oh, you're so lucky that your weight just dropped off of you so easily."  Not ONCE have I even ATTEMPTED to stifle the loud outburst that explodes from my mouth!  YOU THINK IT'S BEEN EASY???  It's been the most grueling, spiritual and physical challenge of my LIFE!  And who's not to say I won't be facing this same challenge again in 10 years?  5 years?  Heck, next month!  Women age, our bodies change, life throws us curve balls...so trust me when I say I'm not at all sittin' comfortable.  I hope to forever be a "work in progress"...inward and outward.  All glory to God and GOD ALONE!

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (The Message)

 ^23-24May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he'll do it!

Feb 2010...oh this picture makes me cringe!

March 2010

May 2010..."Who's your friend w/ you or is that just your butt?"  ~Gloria's comment to Moto Moto on the movie "Madagascar"  Boy! can I relate!

July 2010

August 2010...This is when I started P90X...90 days every day.

September 2010...starting to see a waist

October 2010...right in the middle of my p90x routine and eating clean more and more

November 2010

December 2010...Africa is right around the corner!

January 2011 in Ghana

Feb 2011...Jax, Fl

March 2011 Harry and I goin' for a jog...praising God every step!

April 2011

Now, God...if you could just let the money fall from heaven so I can get as many nips and tucks as this momma desires!  HAHAHA!!! Just kiddin'...but not really.



IN CELEBRATION OF 80 LBS GONE, HOW 'BOUT A GOOD RECIPE???

Chocolate Cupcakes w/ Sweet potato Puree (my adaptation from the Choc Cupcake Recipe in Deceptively Delicious cookbook) 

1 Cup of Sweet potato Puree
1 Cup of Sucanat (found in sugar section of health foods store...or use Sugar in the Raw for a less clean version)
1/2 Cup of FlaxMilk or Almond Milk (both found at WalMart...I suggest Flax cuz it's loaded w/ Omega 3's)
1/2 Cup of Milk (whatever you have in your frig)
1/2 tsp of balsamic vinegar (I use pomegranate balsamic vinegar)
2 large egg whites
1 1/2 cups of white whole wheat flour (found anywhere...cheapest is Hy-Vee brand)
1/2 cup of wheat germ (found in baking aisle of health foods and is starting to mainstream in regular grocery stores...usually around flour or in organic section)
1/2 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp of baking soda
1/2 tsp of sea/kosher salt
dash of cinnamon (OPTIONAL: only do this if you like cinnamon mixed w/ chocolate)
2-3 handful's of chocolate chips (also optional but I'm thinkin' who in their right mind would opt OUT?)

preheat oven to 350.

In mixing bowl, combine puree, sucanat, milks and vinegar.  Add egg whites 1 at a time and mix just until incorporated.  Toss in all the dry ingredients (don't mix until all are thrown in) and the chocolate chips and mix until combined.  Don't overmix. (FYI:  I do this entire process in my kitchen aid mixer)

Fill up 12 GREASED muffin cups (spray w/ some olive oil cooking spray).  Bake for 20 minutes.  Allow to cool in the pan...they'll cook just a little bit more until they are perfectly moist and yummy.  Refrigerate for 3 days or you can even freeze them up to 3 months.  Great, healthy snack or to satisfy that chocoholic in us all!

TIPS:

1. don't want to go buy almond or flax milk?  Just use normal milk...but to boost up the nutritional benefits throw in a couple of tbsp of milled flax seed.

2.  If you opt OUT of choc chips, add about 1/4 cup more sucanat or raw sugar or toss in about 3 tbsp of agave nectar.  Taste batter and add more if you want it a little sweeter...BUT DON'T USE REFINED SUGAR!!!

3.  for those who are puree-challenged:  just bake your sweet potatoes (in foil) at 350 for 1 hour or until they are mushy when you press your finger in them.  Peel off the skin and place potato's in a food processor until nice and smooth.

4. Pomegranate Balsamic Vinegar: I found my bottle at Marshall's.  But here's a plug for the store Heavenly Olive Oils and Vinegar in Lee's Summit.  They have every flavor of bals vinegar and you can even taste test!!!  It's like a Baskin-&-robbins for cooks!!!  Also...grab a bottle of their butter olive oil.  You can sub it for butter in any recipe and my favorite way to use it?  Cooking my sunny-side-up eggs in! 

5.  Cooking for kids?  Instead of traditional icing, try spreading some vanilla yogurt and adding a few sprinkles on top.