My THOUGHTS and TIPS on REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK

People have been asking me, “Are you SO excited that Greg and Wendy are coming home?” The short answer is yes. The REAL answer is yes and no. Why a “no”? After all, she is my best friend in the entire world. We've experienced LIFE together...from divorced parents & bad breakups to handing over wedding rings & coaching each other through childbirth.  So what gives?

Had I not gone to Ghana myself, not seen their work, not met the people, not served along side her, I wouldn't feel the same hesitation as I do today. But right now, my heart is heavy. There is no other word to describe but HEAVY. This is her last week in Nalerigu...and this morning I just cried and cried for her. Dear friends, my sister (and Greg) is GRIEVING. DEEPLY. The Nyhus kids are GRIEVING. DEEPLY. Nalerigu is GRIEVING. DEEPLY. The entire village called them 'Papa Greg' and 'Momma Wendy'. They were everyone's “parents”, regardless of religion, color, background, or economic status. They COMPLETELY POURED OUT not just their financial resources, but THEIR HEARTS. Oh, that ALL OF US would follow their lead!!! RECKLESS FAITH. RECKLESS LOVE. RECKLESS KINDNESS. Love without limits...

In going back to my OWN words upon my return from Africa, I remember I once posted, “If home is where the heart is, then I have a LOT of homes.” I felt homesick in my own home. I was so torn. And I was only there for 10 days. I didn't invest 19 months of my sweat and tears. I didn't have to give up a whole lot. They have given up EVERYTHING.

That being said, I have prayed about this and feel like it would be a good thing to have anyone who knows the Nyhus' to please read this regarding REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK.

Experiencing reverse culture shock is extremely common and may include any to all of the following emotions:

• Restlessness, rootlessness
• Reverse homesickness-missing people and places from abroad
• Boredom, insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration
• Need for excessive sleep
• Change in goals or priorities
• Feelings of alienation or withdrawal
• Negativity towards American behavior
• Depression
• Feelings of resistance toward family and friends
  
• Judgmental attitude towards American culture
  

How YOU Can Help 1. In preparing for a missionary to come home, prayerfully seek to know how you can help them make a successful transition to post-mission life. Maybe it's financially supporting them a couple of months as they adjust, maybe it's calling and picking up dinner for them 1 night, maybe it's buying a gas card...think outside the box. I know the Nyhus kids will be in dire need of clothes. Carter is size 10, Aiden size 8, and Sukanya is a 4. (they will need everything, especially anything WINTER.) Contact Debi or Misty for more ideas or more details. 2. Maintain an active and genuine interest in their mission well into the first year after they have returned. 3. Be patient. Reverse Culture Shock (RCS) can last up to 18 months, but it IS temporary. For some it can last years. 4. Stock up their pantry and freezers so they won't have to go grocery shopping very often at first. Even a trip to the grocery store can be extremely overwhelming. 5. Learn all you can about the kind of mission they served. Be specific in your questions like, “What was the hardest thing to overcome while there?” or “How did you get around?” or “What kind of foods did you get to eat?” THEY WILL WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THESE DETAILS!

6. Be aware that many experience short-term depression. Many missionaries come home feeling that no one cared about what they've been doing, so one of the best ways to help them through this transition is to CARE. 7. Remember that not all missionaries struggle with the adjustment process. Some have the ability to make a quick adjustment and will not need more than the love of their families and association with good friends to make an excellent transition into post-mission life.
8. Ask specific questions. Ask specifically about Gambaga, Clement/Nuru, the hospital, homeschooling, where they went to church, what they loved, what they hated, etc.
   
9. VALIDATE their range of emotions, from extreme sadness to confusion, to home-sickness, to depression, to complete happiness to see their friends and family. One second they may seem totally fine and the next they may seem very withdrawn. Love them through this adjustment phase.
   
10. I read that few people have a sincere interest in missionaries lives. LET'S CHANGE THE NORM!!!!
    
11. Ask about sending Christmas gifts over to the other missionaries who are still there serving or to specific people/families/kids.
    
12. Be patient w/ their tears. I cried every time someone asked me about my trip. I imagine they may be the same for a while. One of my most favorite respones was when a friend took me in her arms and said, “You don't need to say a word...I feel your heart.”
    

THINGS NOT TO SAY/DO:

1. “I bet you're soooooo glad to be home!” (better option: I bet it is so good to see your loved ones.”)
   
2. “FINALLY, you're HOME!” (better option: You were greatly missed)
   
3. DO NOT Rush conversations. This is going to have to be a very PURPOSEFUL decision. We American's are always BUSY. We RUSH. When you see Greg or Wendy, STOP and TAKE THE TIME TO TALK. If you absolutely have to move on, make a point to say something like, “I'm so disappointed that I have to go, but the next time I see you I'd really like to hear about your mission work.” Then by golly, follow through.
   
4. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING. Not the weather, not the Chiefs, not your job, not your health, etc. I'm not asking you to be “fake”...I'm just asking you to be SENSITIVE that they saw the WORST SITUATIONS IMAGINABLE and hearing us complain about how much we hate grocery shopping will be very FRUSTRATING to them.
   
5. Don't have FALSE EXPECTATIONS. We will need to “ease them in”...so please be respectful when they, or their family, says “no”. They will more than likely need lots of time to adjust. They will need a little space. Remember, for 19 months they've had people knocking on their door from sun up to sun down. Feel free to call or mail letters, letting them know they are in your prayers and feel free to say something like, “When you get settled, we'd love to spend time with you, but you let us know when you're ready.”
   
6. Instead of taking them out to dinner, ask how you can send money over to Ghana to help continue a mission they started. This would mean the world to them.
   
7. Don't ask dumb questions, like “Did you have a toilet in your house?” or “did you live in a grass hut?” By the way, yes they had a toilet and no, they did not live in a hut. :)
   
8. “I'm so glad you're home from that horrible, disease infested place!” (seriously, do you WANT a black eye?)
   
9. “It's so much better for the kids that you're here.” (Better option: How are the kids adjusting and is there anything I can do to make it easier for them?)