Once again, I'm up and can't get Ghana off my mind. No, let me re-phrase. I can't get PEOPLE in Ghana off my mind. I swear I left part of myself there. It's so strange...I often feel like a foreigner here at HOME now. I wasn't prepared for that. When I say the culture shock is harder coming back than going, it really is true. Any of you who have traveled to 3rd world countries know exactly what I am talking about.
What am I feeling tonight? Sadness. I'm just plain sad. I'm sad for Abraham. If you only knew how many times I think of him every day. I pray earnestly over him. (I am going to ask my mom to try and seek him out while she is in Accra. Oh I so hope he will be there...I hope he is still alive! And I pray that she can share Jesus w/ him!) This is the verse God has given me to pray over Abraham:
Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
But my question is: Is Abraham crying for help? Is he seeking God? This is the question that burns into my very being. Oh God...I pray he recognizes his NEED for YOU!
I'm sad for the 17 children in that orphanage. How can a mother abandon her child? Most of their mothers live in the same village. I just cannot wrap my brain around this. It isn't coincidence that today I came across the following verse in Isaiah:
Isaiah 49:14-16
But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."
Fakia, sad little Fakia, do you know this sweet girl? Reliable, responsible Matthew...does this verse bring comfort to you as it does me? Ornery, cute Sugari...do these words make you break out into a huge smile like the Pop Rocks did? Cowboy, the same hands that your name is engraved upon can also wipe away your tears, dear one. Psalms 27 says,
9-10 You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.
Sad.
I'm sad for Cowboy, whose home is abusive and he has no food to eat...and that he cries himself to sleep many a night. And his story is one of many...the need is too great. The suffering is almost too much to take. It's just one crisis after another...
I'm sad for my Mom. I cannot allow myself to visualize her hugging Carter, Aiden and Sukanya goodbye. She will be leaving in about a week. I'm already heavy hearted for her. And those kids are going to be DEVASTATED. THEY ADORE HER. I can only imagine the sobbing that will occur after she leaves. It's going to rip out her heart to say goodbye to the women she's been ministering to at the "Witches Outcast Camp". She has told me in numerous emails how much she has fallen in love w/ these women. I can feel her heart hurting all the way over here. And I dare not visualize her hugging my sister goodbye. Oh dear me. My momma always has said, "misty, you love deep." Well...who do you think I got that from? We love deep, which means we also hurt deep. It is how God created us. It can be a wonderful thing but sometimes it can be a very painful thing. So tonight my momma is on my mind as well.
On the flip side...MY HEART IS ALSO REJOICING! Clement is doing WONDERFULLY. But tonight I was very VERY sad as the realization hit me that I don't know if/when i'll see Baba/Clement again. I cannot even allow myself to think that way or it feels as if my heart will break in two. Yes, I know I will for SURE see them in heaven some day...and I'd like to think that I will be able to visit Ghana again before God takes me home...but just let me be "human" and grieve a little, will ya? Let's face it...who knows when that will be and I miss them!!!! Oh how I miss that little boy!!!!!
Sad.
And then there is my sister. I've never NOT seen my sister "in action". Remember when i said God made me to "love deep"? Well, God made that girl to "act now". The girl is love in action. I swear she has a super hero cape w/ a Cross on it packed in her closet. That woman knows how to 'GET IT DONE'. But can I just say...the fresh set of tears pouring down onto my keyboard right now testify how deeply I miss her? She is my best friend. We've really LIVED LIFE together, you know? We were all we had...each other. It was us girls. Mom, sister, and I. I'm so extremely proud of her; the woman of God she has become, the mother and wife she is,...she is everything I could and should hope to be as a child of God. And there is no where she should be but where she is right at this moment...
but there is not here, and here is not there.
and I miss her.
a LOT.
Sad.
I've also been disappointed in myself on more than one occasion. I believe in my last note I asked God, "how can i PRACTICALLY APPLY what I've learned?" Well, one of those ways is I want to be MORE INTENTIONAL in my relationships here. I mean, literally, with every person I meet, think about how I can "spread the love". Quite honestly, that was very easy for me to do in Ghana. Every person I met, whether it was the cab driver or the lady who sat by me in the airport, I tried to really go out of my way to love them, show an interest in them, share the Gospel, etc. Already I've been WAY under par in this area here at home. Just the other night I went to an auction in Independence. I sat next to an elderly man who was cute as can be. He had pulled out a chair for me, had on a trucker's baseball cap, and his dentures were not in. Although I can honestly say I was polite, that is as far as it went. Now, had I been in Ghana and sat next to an old man like that, you can bet your buttons I would have been asking all about his family, his work, his life, and his relationship w/ a Creator who loves and adores him. I drove all the way home begging God to forgive me!
On Sunday I walked into a room and didn't even take the time to acknowledge a very good friend of mine sitting in the corner all b/c I was "in a zone"...sure I was in a hurry to get down to the Children's Wing on time so i could lead the kids in music...but do you see what I'm saying? I had neglected a relationship that only took 2 seconds to say "Hi". I cannot help but say, 'DANG ME!"
So Misty, now that you've crawled into a deep dark hole and never want to come out again (can we say bi-polar?) how about you start placing your thoughts back on Who/where they should be? Ok ok...I hear you God. I don't want to stay stuck in my sadness...so...let's see...I keep going back to Psalms 27. I love how this chapter ENDS!
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
I love how it's written in the Message. The words "wait for the Lord" are changed to "STAY WITH GOD." oh how totally cool is that??? STAY WITH GOD. I looked up Webster's Definition of the word "stay" and it says it is, "to take up residence with" or "to stand firm". Yes, that is good stuff indeed. Ok God. I can now go to bed b/c I'm takin' up residence w/ You! With You I will STAND FIRM. Because of this, I AM NOT SHAKEN. oh no.
Boy...I'm so thankful many of you have gone through this before, too or else I'd think I was CRAZY!!! My friend prepared me that my "processing" would happen many times over months upon my return...but WOW. I had no idea. No one prepared me for this. But how can you? It's just something you have to experience.
So...
STAY WITH GOD.
ps: Ok, I cannot help but add this little tid bit on. So...I just went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and I looked in the mirror and seriously, I look like a character in a horror movie! I have mascara smudged all around my eyes and down my face from crying. LOL!!!! I'm totally laughing at myself. Darn, if it wasn't 1am I'd go dig around downstairs for our camera and take a picture of myself and post it for you. Oh well...you'll just have to take my word for it. However, I better wash my face or else I'll scare my family in the morning. HA! Good night world!
What am I feeling tonight? Sadness. I'm just plain sad. I'm sad for Abraham. If you only knew how many times I think of him every day. I pray earnestly over him. (I am going to ask my mom to try and seek him out while she is in Accra. Oh I so hope he will be there...I hope he is still alive! And I pray that she can share Jesus w/ him!) This is the verse God has given me to pray over Abraham:
Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
But my question is: Is Abraham crying for help? Is he seeking God? This is the question that burns into my very being. Oh God...I pray he recognizes his NEED for YOU!
I'm sad for the 17 children in that orphanage. How can a mother abandon her child? Most of their mothers live in the same village. I just cannot wrap my brain around this. It isn't coincidence that today I came across the following verse in Isaiah:
Isaiah 49:14-16
But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."
Fakia, sad little Fakia, do you know this sweet girl? Reliable, responsible Matthew...does this verse bring comfort to you as it does me? Ornery, cute Sugari...do these words make you break out into a huge smile like the Pop Rocks did? Cowboy, the same hands that your name is engraved upon can also wipe away your tears, dear one. Psalms 27 says,
9-10 You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.
Sad.
I'm sad for Cowboy, whose home is abusive and he has no food to eat...and that he cries himself to sleep many a night. And his story is one of many...the need is too great. The suffering is almost too much to take. It's just one crisis after another...
I'm sad for my Mom. I cannot allow myself to visualize her hugging Carter, Aiden and Sukanya goodbye. She will be leaving in about a week. I'm already heavy hearted for her. And those kids are going to be DEVASTATED. THEY ADORE HER. I can only imagine the sobbing that will occur after she leaves. It's going to rip out her heart to say goodbye to the women she's been ministering to at the "Witches Outcast Camp". She has told me in numerous emails how much she has fallen in love w/ these women. I can feel her heart hurting all the way over here. And I dare not visualize her hugging my sister goodbye. Oh dear me. My momma always has said, "misty, you love deep." Well...who do you think I got that from? We love deep, which means we also hurt deep. It is how God created us. It can be a wonderful thing but sometimes it can be a very painful thing. So tonight my momma is on my mind as well.
On the flip side...MY HEART IS ALSO REJOICING! Clement is doing WONDERFULLY. But tonight I was very VERY sad as the realization hit me that I don't know if/when i'll see Baba/Clement again. I cannot even allow myself to think that way or it feels as if my heart will break in two. Yes, I know I will for SURE see them in heaven some day...and I'd like to think that I will be able to visit Ghana again before God takes me home...but just let me be "human" and grieve a little, will ya? Let's face it...who knows when that will be and I miss them!!!! Oh how I miss that little boy!!!!!
Sad.
And then there is my sister. I've never NOT seen my sister "in action". Remember when i said God made me to "love deep"? Well, God made that girl to "act now". The girl is love in action. I swear she has a super hero cape w/ a Cross on it packed in her closet. That woman knows how to 'GET IT DONE'. But can I just say...the fresh set of tears pouring down onto my keyboard right now testify how deeply I miss her? She is my best friend. We've really LIVED LIFE together, you know? We were all we had...each other. It was us girls. Mom, sister, and I. I'm so extremely proud of her; the woman of God she has become, the mother and wife she is,...she is everything I could and should hope to be as a child of God. And there is no where she should be but where she is right at this moment...
but there is not here, and here is not there.
and I miss her.
a LOT.
Sad.
I've also been disappointed in myself on more than one occasion. I believe in my last note I asked God, "how can i PRACTICALLY APPLY what I've learned?" Well, one of those ways is I want to be MORE INTENTIONAL in my relationships here. I mean, literally, with every person I meet, think about how I can "spread the love". Quite honestly, that was very easy for me to do in Ghana. Every person I met, whether it was the cab driver or the lady who sat by me in the airport, I tried to really go out of my way to love them, show an interest in them, share the Gospel, etc. Already I've been WAY under par in this area here at home. Just the other night I went to an auction in Independence. I sat next to an elderly man who was cute as can be. He had pulled out a chair for me, had on a trucker's baseball cap, and his dentures were not in. Although I can honestly say I was polite, that is as far as it went. Now, had I been in Ghana and sat next to an old man like that, you can bet your buttons I would have been asking all about his family, his work, his life, and his relationship w/ a Creator who loves and adores him. I drove all the way home begging God to forgive me!
On Sunday I walked into a room and didn't even take the time to acknowledge a very good friend of mine sitting in the corner all b/c I was "in a zone"...sure I was in a hurry to get down to the Children's Wing on time so i could lead the kids in music...but do you see what I'm saying? I had neglected a relationship that only took 2 seconds to say "Hi". I cannot help but say, 'DANG ME!"
So Misty, now that you've crawled into a deep dark hole and never want to come out again (can we say bi-polar?) how about you start placing your thoughts back on Who/where they should be? Ok ok...I hear you God. I don't want to stay stuck in my sadness...so...let's see...I keep going back to Psalms 27. I love how this chapter ENDS!
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
I love how it's written in the Message. The words "wait for the Lord" are changed to "STAY WITH GOD." oh how totally cool is that??? STAY WITH GOD. I looked up Webster's Definition of the word "stay" and it says it is, "to take up residence with" or "to stand firm". Yes, that is good stuff indeed. Ok God. I can now go to bed b/c I'm takin' up residence w/ You! With You I will STAND FIRM. Because of this, I AM NOT SHAKEN. oh no.
Boy...I'm so thankful many of you have gone through this before, too or else I'd think I was CRAZY!!! My friend prepared me that my "processing" would happen many times over months upon my return...but WOW. I had no idea. No one prepared me for this. But how can you? It's just something you have to experience.
So...
STAY WITH GOD.
ps: Ok, I cannot help but add this little tid bit on. So...I just went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and I looked in the mirror and seriously, I look like a character in a horror movie! I have mascara smudged all around my eyes and down my face from crying. LOL!!!! I'm totally laughing at myself. Darn, if it wasn't 1am I'd go dig around downstairs for our camera and take a picture of myself and post it for you. Oh well...you'll just have to take my word for it. However, I better wash my face or else I'll scare my family in the morning. HA! Good night world!
This is the women (at the witch camp) standing in their courtyard.
Nana, Cowboy, and Lulu
My sister loves these children as her own. I think I captured a real "moment" here...can't you just feel the love when you look at this? They love her as much as she loves them.
A family picture at the airport
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