Shooting Stars: a personal account of miscarriage (Happy 5th Mirthday, Jaryn!)

There are no words to capture It's power, It's pull, It's obsession.  It touches the very deepest part of your soul and never goes away.  It stirs up such a range of emotions in you that at times you feel as if you'll go crazy.  And sometimes you DO go crazy. Men can't and won't ever understand It...not at any fault of their own but that misunderstanding drives a woman to tears, to anger, to resentfulness, and even in some cases, Divorce.  On the flip side, I've seen It do the exact opposite for some...going against all statistics It can actually bond a couple, making their love for each other all the deeper.  The progression usually looks like this: “It” turns into “If” turns into “Insecurity” turns into “Insistence”...TO BE A MOTHER.  And thus, it can consume.

“It” refers to the strongest Desire one can ever imagine.  It's a thirst that is never quenched.  If not handled the way God would desire of us, the “dehydration” in a woman's spirit can make her literally shrivel up and feel dead inside, sapping her of all she once was and the beauty that used to be.  I know this because I was almost there.  ALMOST.  Glory be to His Name alone.

Miscarriage &/or Infertility.  Two things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.  The silent pain that a woman experiences sometimes feels as if there is no end in sight.   Many are left feeling isolated, cursed, shameful, guilty, angry and depressed.  I feel no shame in admitting that I have been on my own journey and the range of emotions that did accompany it.  But before I go any further, I do not, by any means, compare my story with anyone else's.  I look at where I was, and where God has brought me to now, and it is not taken for granted.  I didn't have to wait 10 years to have a child.  I didn't have to go through years and years of infertility treatments and spend thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I didn't have to suffer through multiple miscarriages, lose a 3 month old, have an adoption go wrong,  or lose my child to leukemia.  There are a billion stories of women who have faced far more difficulties than I ever have or ever will.  I know this.  Take this for what it is, thoughts from my heart on a topic that I feel many women struggle with internally...silently.
While I believe some details are left for a husband and wife, I will openly tell you that for years I wrestled with God and my all-encompassing desire to have a baby.  I had to work through resentfulness towards my best friend/husband.  I spent countless hours by my bedside, on my knees, face down in the carpet, begging and pleading for God to hear me.  He felt so silent to me.  Distant.  Uncaring.  (This would be a good time to remind you why we should not live by our FEELINGS.)  Did God hear me?  Of course He did.  Did God move “away” from me?  Nope.  Looking back, my obsession had become my Idol.  (Anything we desire MORE than God is an idol, so fill in your own blank)  My pain was so intense I didn't know up from down.  I was going through the motions but not really truly putting my faith into practice...at least not at first.  It took some time (and a few spiritual “spankings” to get me back on track.)  Little by little all my friends started having babies...and it hurt too bad to be around them.  Of course, none of them knew how much I was struggling.  I put on a good front but gradually would find myself naturally pushed out of  their lives anyway as they joined “the mom club”.  It took some time, but when I finally made peace with my situation, life was so much easier!  I guess it was just one of those life lessons that I had to learn the hard way but now that I've been through it, I'm so thankful I did.  Through the years, numerous people would ask us, "So when are you guys gonna have kids?"  For about 2 years I would stumble all over a proper response when what I really felt like doing was either hitting them in their face or crying my eyes out.  But one time in particular after being asked that question, I looked the person straight in the eyes and without hesitating said, "When God wills it."  I felt a freedom in that response.  I had not rehearsed it...it came straight from my heart and I MEANT it.

Jim took me to New Zealand in 2006.  Talk about the trip of a lifetime.  Christmas morning we slept in a little and then walked down to the shallow river where trout were abundant.  (This was also the same river where many Lord of the Rings scenes were shot.)  We were in a quaint little village nestled in the Southern Alps.  If you were to read my journal entry, it would describe the smell of pine, lavender, rain, and honey all wrapped up into the most pleasant experience for the senses.

 The river was wide and shallow, creating a constant “babble” of song.  The air was crisp but not uncomfortable.  What I love about my man is that while we love being together, we also are ok being alone.  And on this particular morning, Jim wanted to go flyfishing and I wanted to go for a jog on a narrow path that wound around the river bank.

 While on my jog, with no person in sight, I was talking to the Lord and I cannot even begin to tell you the feeling in my heart.  BAM! Like lightening, I was INSTANTLY down on my knees.  I was in His presence.  I could feel Him like a warm blanket, He was HUGGING me.  And there on the riverbank, I KNEW God was going to finally answer my prayers.  So certain I was of it, on our trip I bought a onesie that stated, “Made in New Zealand”.  And I was exactly right.

I miscarried on January 31st. 

Talk about a time in my life when I was in a dark place.  I think I was mostly confused.  The grief that took place shocked me.  I felt guilty and silly for not being able to get over it quicker.  It was hard to focus on work. (ask a co-worker buddy of mine who sat on the bathroom floor of the middle school I worked at and held me as I bawled in her lap.  I was a heaping mess!) I was mad at myself for not being able to “get over it”.  And right when I needed it, a very dear friend of mine at church turned to me and said, “I never have gotten over mine.  Never.  And it will hit you at the oddest of life's moments.”  Little did she know, God was speaking THROUGH her to give me PERMISSION to grieve in MY OWN WAY.  However that looked, God was not disappointed in me.  God was not waiting on me to get over it.  God was, is and is to come so He had all the time in the world to walk through my pain with me.  And I'm so comforted by this. 

This morning while I was brushing my teeth, I was praising the Lord and thinking about that morning 5 years ago...and as clear as day and as if His hand wrote on my mirrored wall I heard Him whisper to me, "Lazarus".  How had I not ever thought of that story before in relation to my grief until today?  Think about it!  Lazurus was DEAD and the Lord KNEW He was going to RAISE HIM BACK TO LIFE.  John 11:4 says, "...It will become an occasion to show God's glory by glorifying God's Son."  It was clear the entire chapter that was His plan all along, to raise Lazarus to life to give God glory.  But then, in 2 little words in verse 35, it says, "Jesus WEPT".  He allowed Himself to GRIEVE.  I doubt it was the kind of grief that brings a person to their knees or the kind where they can't eat for days.  While I do believe grief has different degree's of severity, grief is still grief.  And I'm so so SO glad those 2 words are in John 11. 
I don't know what I'll do on January 31st this year.  But whatever I do, I do.  And it's ok. The day of my miscarriage I opened up the Book of Psalms and read 2 verses that I literally CRIED (even a couple times SHOUTED) to God.  Psalms 73: 25-26:

25  Whom have I in heaven but you?
   And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

God healed me.  Oh praise His name forever!

Not long ago there was a perfectly clear starry night sky.  We live WAY outside city limits so the view from our front porch is breath taking.  So much so, I felt the urge to walk out into the middle of our huge field and really FEEL the vastness of His universe.  It felt like I was standing inside a snow-globe, but instead of snow, it was stars.  They were literally all around me and it seemed as if the sky were “bending” to keep me right smack-dab in the middle.  It was then that God brought to my mind the verse in Is 40 that says,

“Look at the night skies:
   Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night,
   counts them off, calls each by name
—so magnificent! so powerful!—
   and never overlooks a single one” (MSG)

Which got me thinking...if each of these stars were like people, then He knows each of US by name too.  Young, Old, and anywhere in between...He knows ALL THREE OF MY BABIES by name.  And as if right on cue, a shooting star split across the night sky.  And I was humbled.  My baby whom I'll never hold this side of heaven, was my shooting star.  And while his/her life was extremely short, that baby lit up my night sky and made me gasp in sheer delight!  With my eyes twinkling from the stars above and my mouth wide open in sheer gratitude, I began to laugh.  A true, from the gut, tears in my eyes laugh.  And I thought...hmmm...”I'm so full of mirth today!” which made me laugh even more at my corny self.

Baby o'mine, throw your head back and laugh like you mean it!  Rejoice, for you are in the presence of our King!  I'm so thrilled for you.  Can you even imagine the laughing and crying that will take place when we meet for the first time???  Oh dear me.  The very thought of it...But until then, I'll continue to tell Jesus to give you an extra hug from your momma.  I know He does this for me and it brings a smile to my face picturing it.  He adores you more than I do.  Let loose today in your singing and be merry!

PS:  I know this is cheesy but hey, that's how mom's are, ok?  So...here's a little poem I sketched out just for you, dear one.  I love you to infinity...and beyond!

 

Poem from a Mother's Heart

Many, many years ago my heart felt a tug,

to have a baby of my own, a child I could hug.

I dreamed of you every day wondering when you'd arrive,

For at the very thought of you my soul would come alive.

I grew weary of waiting-my cheeks felt stained w/ tears,

But to God I just kept pleading but did it fall on His deaf ears?

I felt crazed, alone and angry; contentment was hard to find;

with all my friends having babies, I was feeling left behind.

But Baby, God was just teaching me, life lessons can sometimes be tough;

Before you came I had to learn: His Grace. Is. Enough.

It was when I found His peace that you chose to come along,

I thought my heart would soon explode, my lips burst forth in song.

I sang YOUR song, did a happy dance, permanent smile was on my face,

I basked in the beauty of who you were, made directly from God's grace.

Euphoric bliss, endless praise, I was on my own mountain top,

But then on 1 cold morning, it came to an abrupt stop.

Feeling confused but mostly numb I stared blankly at the wall,

And then I sobbed, I heaved, I yelled. From my mountain I did fall.

But then...It hit me.

Like a never-ending cascade of a nearby gentle stream,

His love flowed down straight from heaven and made my heart feel clean.

Although my pain seemed endless, my soul like dessert sand,

I chose to look to Jesus and to His arms I ran.

I would never CHOOSE to lose you, my love for you so deep,

But God ALLOWED His son to die and that thought made me weep.

Through your life I came to praise Him, shouting, “My child! You are Mine!”

Through your death I grasped His love for me and tasted Grace divine.

I named you 'Jaryn': in Hebrew means “HE WILL SING”;

So baby, rejoice w/ every fiber of being to our Savior King!

While others view your life as being short and sweet,

For me a day with the dream of you makes me worship at His feet.

Precious to Him you are dear One, But also precious to me.

I can't wait to snuggle you close and bounce you on my knee.

Until that day draws nigh, I know you're where you should be-

With mirth let's dance, let's laugh out loud for the King has set us both free!

HAPPY 5TH MIRTHDAY, JARYN! 

Love forever, Momma (and Daddy, Charlee and Sam Watson)

Back to the Basics: HOMEMADE Popcorn...fast, easy, AWESOME!

Oh the quandary!  How to make HOMEMADE BUTTER POPCORN without getting it soggy?  Ok, I admit.  I don't mind my popcorn oozing with butter and salt.    My husband on the other hand, can't stand it.  

We've desperately been trying to adapt a healthier lifestyle around our home for the past year and a half or so.  My hub's LOVES microwave popcorn.  I, personally, haven't touched the stuff in years.  I can count on 1 hand how many times my daughter has had any (she is almost 4) and my boy hasn't had any until tonight.

Last summer while garage sale-ing I came across a "Black & Decker Handy Pop 'N Serve".  It was listed for $1 and I thought, why not?  Let's give this thing a try.  All i can say is:  GO BUY ONE NOW! 

(sorry it's blurry)

This is how it works:  Measure out 1/4 cup of popcorn kernals, dump it in, flip switch to "ON", wait 4 mintues, popcorn done.  Ummm...I think this actually popped FASTER than microwave popcorn!  I have absolutely no clue if Black & Decker still makes this, but I DID happen to peek on Ebay and saw them listed for around $12. 

But...how to make my popcorn NOT get SOGGY?  Easy.

Place popped corn in large bowl.  measure out 1/4 cup of Olive Oil.  Pour half of it on top, toss, then pour the rest, toss.  POPCORN DOES NOT SOAK UP THE OIL.  The oil COATS the popcorn.

We like good ol' fashioned butter popcorn, so I cranked out some sea salt and then sprinkled on Butter Buds, found by the popcorn in the grocery store.  Butter Buds has all-natural ingredients w/ the exception of 1: maltodextrin.  If you ever see "Annato" listed as an ingredient, it is an orange-red dye obtained from the pulp of a tropical fruit, used for coloring foods and fabric.  (like cheddar cheese) 

This popcorn, in my opinion, tasted WAY better than microwave and I can eat it knowing I'm not going to completely clog every artery in my body or my entire intestinal tract.  I think it would taste fabulous to experiement w/ some fresh herbs, but for now, we'll just enjoy our yummy homemade butter popcorn.  By the way, both my kids LOVED it!

So next time you're at Grandma's and she still has that old popcorn popper, maybe she'll let you take it home with you. :)  Of course, you don't have to have a popper at all, just a stove.  But it sure was nice to have it done in 4 minutes.

Enjoy!

Happy FUNday: A Mother's Thoughts on How to make SUNday a FUNday

If getting my family out the door for church on Sunday was like the Willy Wonka Factory Contest, then I've got the Golden Ticket. I mean, I HATE to “toot my own horn” but hey, what can I say? I've got it DOWN. You probably are dying to know my secrets. Ok, ok...out of the kindness of my heart let me expand so that all of you can follow my lead and you, too, can get to church on time, and maybe even EARLY, every Sunday morning. In fact, I almost guarantee that after implementing the ideas below, you'll no longer call is SUNday. You'll call it FUNday.

1. Get your coffee ready the night before. Every Saturday night, I get my coffee all ready. Apparently my coffee pot has a timer on it, but I have no clue how to use and can think of at least 1 million things I'd rather do than read a coffee pot manual. But alas, look at me, being all “prepared” and “ahead of schedule”. (smug smile) Too bad this morning I forgot that I had already poured in the water last night and poured in MORE water this morning causing my pot to overflow all over my counter and kitchen floor making a huge giant mess. But I digress.
2. Lay out your clothes the night before. You see, this is VERY IMPORTANT to do, especially for those of us who have young kids. One can never be too organized. That's my motto, at least! Of course, today doesn't count. It's not MY fault that my son grabbed a bowl of yogurt and spilled it all over his Sunday clothes so I had to put new clothes on him. It's not MY fault that my daughter hugged my son when his clothes were drenched in yogurt causing me to have to put on a new outfit for her, too. Nor is it MY fault that when I sat down on a chair in my cream-colored pants that I sat down in a glop of ketchup from the meal the night before thus having to also change MY outfit. Nope. NOT. MY. FAULT.
3. Start the spirit of worship as soon as you wake up. This is KEY to starting your Sunday morning off RIGHT. Every now and then you may find yourself “slipping” into your old ways, but press on dear friends. Not everyone is perfect. For instance, this morning my husbands first words were, “CRAP! YOU STINKIN' SET THE ALARM FOR PM INSTEAD OF AM!” To which I Christianly replied, “What are you smokin'? YOU set the alarm last night, NOT ME!” We have this slightly unpleasant exchange as both of us are throwing the covers off and scrambling to get ready before our precious children wake up...only to find that 1 of them is standing in our doorway. With wet pants. And an entire wet bed which had to be completely stripped of all its blankets and sheets BEFORE church so they would be ready AFTER church for nap time.
4. Fix nutritious breakfast's and pack a lunch if necessary. Think ahead. How long will you be gone? For us, it's 3-4 hours every Sunday. So not only do I make sure my kids get a nutritious breakfast for their long morning, but I also pack lunches because they are always starving when we leave. (and we live 35 minutes away from our church) [Misty says to husband Jim as they drive to church: “Jim, thank you so much for feeding the kids while I got ready.” Jim: “I thought YOU fed the kids while I got ready.” Misty: “So the kids have had no breakfast?” Jim: “Nope.” Misty: “There. Casey's. Get some donuts.” Jim: “But we're already late for church.” Misty: (the “look”) Jim: sigh.]
5. Be Flexible. Believe it or not, even when you plan ahead and do everything right just as we do, SOMETIMES things don't always go as planned. For example, this morning, right after I had yelled, “EVERYONE. GET IN THE FLIPPIN CAR NOW!” I picked up my youngest only to realize he felt hot with fever. I grabbed a thermometer only to have my suspicions confirmed so he and I had to stay home. Never mind that I now had a splitting headache and hives from head to toe. Never mind that I had rushed around getting the entire family ready, made breakfast, packed lunches since we're always gone a good 3-4 hours, changed 3 outfits, packed the diaper bag, and stubbed my toe on the toy I told my daughter to pick up a million times this morning. You see, I just take it all in stride, with a smile on my face and Jesus in my heart. Cuz I own the “golden ticket” of Sunday's.
6. Pull together as a team. Mom/dad teamwork shows our children how harmony, rather then disarray, certainly can get us to church happier and in a worshipping mood. I was VERY disappointed when “someone I know” recently said to her husband, “Hunny, I got the diaper bag, the sippy cups, the packed lunches, winter coats for the entire family, the favorite blankets, my purse, your sunglasses, both of our cell phones and oh, here's your wallet...you left it on the counter. Thanks for grabbing our Bibles.” The husband looks blankly and doesn't respond. Wife says, “You DID get our Bibles right? I mean, that was the ONLY thing you had to remember to pack and we are GOING TO CHURCH where we learn and study GOD'S WORD.” Husband continues to stare blankly. Wife gives husband silent treatment the rest of the day.
7. Arrive early to prepare your heart. Always allow plenty of time to check the kids into the nursery and find yourself seats before the service starts. That way you and your spouse get the most out of the service. Oh...ummm...what? You saw us sitting in the lobby with both kids running around? Oh yes, well, (clears throat) that was because you see, we just happened to arrive a tad late today and since there was only 10 minutes left of the sermon we thought it pointless to take our kids to nursery since it takes 15 minutes to check them in, so uh...let's move on to the final point, shall we?
8. Make Saturday nights the START of your Sabbath and get to bed early. Forget the fact that our dryer broke a week ago and I couldn't see my bedroom floor from the piles of dirty clothes that needed to be washed but the part came in yesterday and my hub's finally got it up and running so now we can do 30 loads of laundry and stay up until wee hours of the morning getting it all sorted, folded and hung. Forget that fact that my son is teething and was up off and on the entire night. Forget the fact that my daughter is currently having night-terrors. Forget the fact that my dog woke me up at 3am needing to go outside to the bathroom. Forget the fact the I woke up at 4am needing to go the bathroom from drinking too much water while doing the laundry until 2am. But other than THAT, get plenty of rest.

See how easy it is! So the next time you find yourself a teensy bit cranky on a Sunday morning, maybe these words will ring in your heart and you'll think to yourself, “Yes! Thank you MISTY! I'll do things JUST LIKE HER!” Don't look at us with envy. We're people. Just like you.

Happy FUNday, The Terrell's

There Ain't No Fleas On Me...or Mice

Oh Dear.  I've done it again.  Let me back up.

Never one to shy away from "all natural" and "eco-friendly", (I think Americans are extremely wasteful, me included so trying to make small changes at a time) last year I was cleaning out our junk drawer and found these little packets of nicely scented burlap.  I had no clue where they came from or what they were for, but I could tell they were filled w/ cedar & eucalyptus.  not wanting to throw away something so delightful to my senses, I thought, "hey, why not toss these in w/ my undergarments to make them smell pretty?" So I did.  When my Hub's got home from work that night, I was telling him all about my day and said, "To top it all off, I found these AWESOME little bags that smell SO GOOD and put them in my dresser drawers."  He began to laugh hysterically. I looked at him quizzically and through his chuckles he told me that those "pretty smelling burlap bags" were actually an all-natural MOUSE REPELLENT he bought to put around our basement!  We STILL laugh about that to this day.

Fast forward to this morning.  I've had another...hmmm...'faux pas' for lack of better terminology.  I've been researching lots of different ways to recycle things we toss out on a daily basis.  For example, old/used coffee grinds.  I found a site that listed the endless possibilities and uses for these things.  1 idea that got me excited was, "put on your hair to make it shine".  So this morning as I showered, I took my old coffee grinds with me to exfoliate my skin and shine up my hair.  IT. WAS. A. TOTAL. MESS.  I WILL say, using it as an exfoliant was wonderful. My skin feels AWESOME.  But I'm STILL seeing coffee grinds fall out of my hair and it left it feeling thick and unmanageable.  Wondering if maybe I was supposed to mix it w/ something I got back online and realized what I did wrong.  I re-read it and this is what it actually says. "Use it on your DOGS hair to make it shine"...scroll down..."Can be used on your DOGS hair as a natural FLEA REPELLANT."  So, all you jealous peeps out there...THERE AIN'T NO FLEAS ON ME!  I bet YOU can't say that today! 

A SILENT NIGHT? you've GOT to be kiddin' me!

The other day, the kids and I were in the car.  We had on the Christmas music.  Charlee had her favorite horsey in her lap and she bounced him around so he was "dancing" to the music.  Sam Watson has started this "trend" where he "sings" to the music by literally SCREAMING at the top of his lungs.  Charlee droppped her horsey and was begging me to get it. As I steered with 1 hand and grasped around the back floor with the other, I concentrated on not swerving right off the road.  It had been one of those, "GET OUT THE DOOR RIGHT THIS SECOND!" kind of mornings.  And there I was, music blaring, Sam screaming, Charlee whining, horsey missing, car swerving, head pounding, and the song playing at that very moment was "Silent Night".  I chuckled out loud thinking, "You've GOT to be kidding me."  You see, being a mom just makes you see things through mommy-colored glasses. 

I mean, really...how in the ever-livin' world could it have been a Silent Night?  Let's recap.  First off...the young woman who was due any second had to travel miles and miles ON A DONKEY!  Ok, some theologians believe she actually traveled in a cart pulled by a DONKEY!  So let me get this straight...you think that's any BETTER???  Please at least tell me the roads were freshly graded.  Something tells me otherwise.  Let's really stop and think about this ladies.  Do you remember your 3rd trimester?  When your sciatica nerve pain is unbearable and your back/hips feel like a 90 year olds???  I sure wish the Bible gave us more details on what her personality was like.  Do you think she was one of "those women" who loved pregnancy and never got sick and say they've never felt better?  Or do you think, just possibly, she was just like me...she ached, she got irritable, she had cankles and she just wanted relief.  I bet by the time Joseph finally found that barn she could have cared less.  She was more than likely in full blown labor and was like, 'just get me off this ass, already!!!!' While many of us would have been whiny and "woe is me-ish", my gut tells me that Mary, although very young, had a quiet strength.  I think she really GOT what her PURPOSE was.  But still...a SILENT NIGHT?  She had no epidural.  As far as we know, it was just her and Joseph...and a few stinky animals.  I'm thinking about this in my car, chuckling at the words to the song like it couldn't be further from the truth.

Fast forward to tonight.  Christmas Eve.  I am getting both of my kids ready for bed.  Sam goes to bed first and I grab his favorite blankets and cradle all 22 months of him in my arms.  We sit in a rocking chair in the corner of his room.  The door was open and I could hear his older sister in a blur of activity while her Daddy washed the dishes.  Our dog, Harry, came into the room and circled a few times before plopping down at my feet.  The washing machine was on spin cycle and the dryer was on.  But as I held my little man, his blond hair spiked and his thumb in his mouth, it felt like in all the world, it was only him and I. He looked at me with sleepy blue eyes and the corners of his mouth went up in a sweet smile.  In the midst of all the noises, I sat in marvel and awe, just as I'm sure Mary did once she finally held that little baby in her arms. 

I am far from a theologian but I am a mommy. I cannot tell you all the facts and theories that surround the details of that night but I think I can relate, as a woman and mother, to how Mary must have felt that night as she cradled Jesus close to her for the first time. Her arms were full as she held the One Who adopts us into His family.  What a beautiful picture.

 I leaned down close to Sam and rubbed my nose with his and had the urge to sing...of all songs...Silent Night.  Merry Christmas.

My THOUGHTS and TIPS on REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK

People have been asking me, “Are you SO excited that Greg and Wendy are coming home?” The short answer is yes. The REAL answer is yes and no. Why a “no”? After all, she is my best friend in the entire world. We've experienced LIFE together...from divorced parents & bad breakups to handing over wedding rings & coaching each other through childbirth.  So what gives?

Had I not gone to Ghana myself, not seen their work, not met the people, not served along side her, I wouldn't feel the same hesitation as I do today. But right now, my heart is heavy. There is no other word to describe but HEAVY. This is her last week in Nalerigu...and this morning I just cried and cried for her. Dear friends, my sister (and Greg) is GRIEVING. DEEPLY. The Nyhus kids are GRIEVING. DEEPLY. Nalerigu is GRIEVING. DEEPLY. The entire village called them 'Papa Greg' and 'Momma Wendy'. They were everyone's “parents”, regardless of religion, color, background, or economic status. They COMPLETELY POURED OUT not just their financial resources, but THEIR HEARTS. Oh, that ALL OF US would follow their lead!!! RECKLESS FAITH. RECKLESS LOVE. RECKLESS KINDNESS. Love without limits...

In going back to my OWN words upon my return from Africa, I remember I once posted, “If home is where the heart is, then I have a LOT of homes.” I felt homesick in my own home. I was so torn. And I was only there for 10 days. I didn't invest 19 months of my sweat and tears. I didn't have to give up a whole lot. They have given up EVERYTHING.

That being said, I have prayed about this and feel like it would be a good thing to have anyone who knows the Nyhus' to please read this regarding REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK.

Experiencing reverse culture shock is extremely common and may include any to all of the following emotions:

• Restlessness, rootlessness
• Reverse homesickness-missing people and places from abroad
• Boredom, insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration
• Need for excessive sleep
• Change in goals or priorities
• Feelings of alienation or withdrawal
• Negativity towards American behavior
• Depression
• Feelings of resistance toward family and friends
  
• Judgmental attitude towards American culture
  

How YOU Can Help 1. In preparing for a missionary to come home, prayerfully seek to know how you can help them make a successful transition to post-mission life. Maybe it's financially supporting them a couple of months as they adjust, maybe it's calling and picking up dinner for them 1 night, maybe it's buying a gas card...think outside the box. I know the Nyhus kids will be in dire need of clothes. Carter is size 10, Aiden size 8, and Sukanya is a 4. (they will need everything, especially anything WINTER.) Contact Debi or Misty for more ideas or more details. 2. Maintain an active and genuine interest in their mission well into the first year after they have returned. 3. Be patient. Reverse Culture Shock (RCS) can last up to 18 months, but it IS temporary. For some it can last years. 4. Stock up their pantry and freezers so they won't have to go grocery shopping very often at first. Even a trip to the grocery store can be extremely overwhelming. 5. Learn all you can about the kind of mission they served. Be specific in your questions like, “What was the hardest thing to overcome while there?” or “How did you get around?” or “What kind of foods did you get to eat?” THEY WILL WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THESE DETAILS!

6. Be aware that many experience short-term depression. Many missionaries come home feeling that no one cared about what they've been doing, so one of the best ways to help them through this transition is to CARE. 7. Remember that not all missionaries struggle with the adjustment process. Some have the ability to make a quick adjustment and will not need more than the love of their families and association with good friends to make an excellent transition into post-mission life.
8. Ask specific questions. Ask specifically about Gambaga, Clement/Nuru, the hospital, homeschooling, where they went to church, what they loved, what they hated, etc.
   
9. VALIDATE their range of emotions, from extreme sadness to confusion, to home-sickness, to depression, to complete happiness to see their friends and family. One second they may seem totally fine and the next they may seem very withdrawn. Love them through this adjustment phase.
   
10. I read that few people have a sincere interest in missionaries lives. LET'S CHANGE THE NORM!!!!
    
11. Ask about sending Christmas gifts over to the other missionaries who are still there serving or to specific people/families/kids.
    
12. Be patient w/ their tears. I cried every time someone asked me about my trip. I imagine they may be the same for a while. One of my most favorite respones was when a friend took me in her arms and said, “You don't need to say a word...I feel your heart.”
    

THINGS NOT TO SAY/DO:

1. “I bet you're soooooo glad to be home!” (better option: I bet it is so good to see your loved ones.”)
   
2. “FINALLY, you're HOME!” (better option: You were greatly missed)
   
3. DO NOT Rush conversations. This is going to have to be a very PURPOSEFUL decision. We American's are always BUSY. We RUSH. When you see Greg or Wendy, STOP and TAKE THE TIME TO TALK. If you absolutely have to move on, make a point to say something like, “I'm so disappointed that I have to go, but the next time I see you I'd really like to hear about your mission work.” Then by golly, follow through.
   
4. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING. Not the weather, not the Chiefs, not your job, not your health, etc. I'm not asking you to be “fake”...I'm just asking you to be SENSITIVE that they saw the WORST SITUATIONS IMAGINABLE and hearing us complain about how much we hate grocery shopping will be very FRUSTRATING to them.
   
5. Don't have FALSE EXPECTATIONS. We will need to “ease them in”...so please be respectful when they, or their family, says “no”. They will more than likely need lots of time to adjust. They will need a little space. Remember, for 19 months they've had people knocking on their door from sun up to sun down. Feel free to call or mail letters, letting them know they are in your prayers and feel free to say something like, “When you get settled, we'd love to spend time with you, but you let us know when you're ready.”
   
6. Instead of taking them out to dinner, ask how you can send money over to Ghana to help continue a mission they started. This would mean the world to them.
   
7. Don't ask dumb questions, like “Did you have a toilet in your house?” or “did you live in a grass hut?” By the way, yes they had a toilet and no, they did not live in a hut. :)
   
8. “I'm so glad you're home from that horrible, disease infested place!” (seriously, do you WANT a black eye?)
   
9. “It's so much better for the kids that you're here.” (Better option: How are the kids adjusting and is there anything I can do to make it easier for them?)
   

The surprise visit

OH ME OH MY! I've always said to working mothers...I don't know how in the world you can juggle it all. I can barely keep my head above water and I only work 8 hours a week. How can you keep your house clean, laundry caught up, floors mopped and dinners cooked? Is it just me or does there never seem to be enough hours in the day?!?

Today for example...I seriously wanted to die when I saw my Pastor and his perfectly adorable wife pull up in my driveway. A quick scan of my home didn't help the feeling of panic well up in me. I could barely see my living room floor. It was covered w/ hot wheels, legos, My Little Ponies, balls and a few random stuffed animals. On my kitchen table, there were grocery ads I still hadn't been able to sit down and go through, baby wipes, a loaf of bread, mail and a cookbook. On our overstuffed chair there was the load of laundry I was waiting to fold until nap time, complete w/ boxers and panties and lots of socks.

I hadn't yet showered for the day. (Sometimes I don't find the time to do it until right before bed.) I saw a stain on the tank top I had on and my hair was still bed-head.

When I opened the front door to welcome them, I saw the broom laying across the porch that Sam Watson had been “helping” me sweep with earlier that day. Charlee had been playing in one of my flower pots so dirt was strewn all the way across one of the steps. We had played in their plastic swimming pool which was still sitting out, full of water. Everywhere I looked there was a complete mess.

Before they came up to the door I was thinking, “Should I invite them in to see this horrible mess? I'm just so mortified!” But you know what? As quickly as that thought entered my head, it just as quickly went away. Why should I apologize for being the best mom that I can possibly be? My house is not perfectly clean, it's perfectly lived in. Yes, my shirt has jelly stains...because just a few mintues ago I was snuggling with the most adorable blue-eyed boy in the world who had sticky fingers. Nope, no apologizing, no fretting...today has been the most wonderful day because I did what I love doing more than anything else...PLAY WITH, LAUGH WITH, AND LOVE ON my 2 kids. I'm not a “sit on the sidelines” kind of a mom. Today I've gone down a slide, gotten my clothes all wet, built a skyscraper w/ legos, dressed up Charlee's dolls and piled up pillows so my kids could be superhero's off the couch. Now, don't get me wrong, there are days where momma must absolutely try and GET STUFF DONE, for crying out loud. But today was not one of those days...and it has been a very good day, indeed.

So...Pastor and adorable wife, come on into my home...because w/ every lego you see you'll see 20 times more hugs! With every stain on my shirt you'll see my boy give the best slobbery kisses and hugs. With the dark circles under my eyes, you'll also see the laugh lines from experiencing the best 3 years of my life.

My kids won't grow up and cherish the times they saw me vacuuming. They'll cherish the times we went on long walks, played in the garden soil, and had picnics in the treehouse. And they'll remember ME right in the middle of it all, their momma...eating PB and honey sandwiches while wearing a cape and sharing grapes w/ Teddy the Bear.

Now...let me take off this cape, come back to earth and pick up some toys while the kids are napping! And maybe while I'm at it, I can throw on some mascara and a clean shirt so my man can see what a hot momma he's got here anxiously awaiting his return home! :)